Pregnant Forever

I have not been posting much lately. Mainly because all I think about is how to get this baby out and when. Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was down all afternoon and evening. I don't know why I am this way with this baby. With Lily, I went 1.5 weeks late and was perfectly fine with it. My midwife is the one who wanted to start labor. I would have kept going and been happy. This is not because I am not feeling well either. I physically feel fine. Pregnancy never bothers me too much and even now, I am still doing everything I normally would. I am trying to keep busy so that I won't think about it. Last night was a full moon and a weather change (rain). I thought for sure those 2 would help kick in something. Yet, I wake up this morning with nothing going on. My body has never responded to these things in any other pregnancy, but I was hopeful. I have been having plenty of contractions which is good. This is getting my cervix a little further along before labor. I just wish that it would turn into something. I know most women feel this at this point, but I feel like I should know better. Being in the birth business, I know that this baby will come when ready and that I can't do anything (natural) to force it. I also know that this will be soon even though it doesn't feel that way. I think I feel this way because I started herbs earlier this time and I also have legitimate reasons to want to go ahead and have this baby. I am also a planner and it has been hard that this baby is not following my plan. I know this baby will be here probably in the next few days and I will forget how I was feeling now. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this emotionally.